- Category: Asexual Passions
- Published on Saturday, 04 June 2011 18:04
- Written by Lara Landis
- Hits: 1975
Bella DePaualo, a blogger for the Huffington Post, recently commented on Paula Haag's new book Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules. Paula Haag's new book contains one story of interest to Asexuals.
That Asexuals sometimes find themselves in a relationship with a sexual partner is not news. Differing sexualities and differing sex drives can always cause problems in a married relationship. What is unusual, is the Asexual spouse giving the sexual spouse permission to conduct extra-marital affairs. The story itself appeared long before DePaulo's June 2011 column. The Asexual spouse insisted on having a role in the sexual spouse's partner selection. (Readers of Fark.com may describe such a person as the Best. Spouse. Ever).
The idea of a wife doing for this husband may cause a sense of revulsion or delight depending on who the reader is, but as anyone who has been in a mixed relationship knows, compromises are necessary to keep such a relationship together. DePaulo suggests that such a platonic relationship and one that has engaged in polyamory as a means of saving the marriage is post-romantic. The couple's story does not say that the two ever stopped being intimate in non-sexual ways. DePaulo simply made the assumption that the wife and husband would not spend time together if the wife helped her husband pick out his girlfriends.
DePaulo is not the first blogger to have difficulties when it comes to Asexuality, and anyone who is married or who has been married knows how far the compromises have to go sometimes in order for both parties to get along.