- Category: Asexual Passions
- Published on Friday, 29 July 2011 16:33
- Written by Lara Landis
- Hits: 3539
No one would say navigating a relationship between a Sexual partner and an Asexual partner is easy. It is not like there are many books on the subject that will specifically cover this topic. Many books on the subject, cover on how to increase one partner's libido or how to spice up a married copules love life. The low-libido self-help books use the default assumption that people are automatically sexual beings. Asexuals should let potential romantic partners know that they are Asexual before getting into a serious relationship. Asexual people are not, as one columnist suggested, trying to trap sexuals into relationships just to deny them pleasure.
When one partner in a relationship is Asexual and not suffering from a decrease in libido, it can result in severe problems in a relationship. The partner who does not want sex may seek many cures, only to find out nothing will work. Couples can work such relationships out. But the first thing that the Asexual needs to decide is how they feel about the act of intercourse.
If an Asexual partner in a relationship is okay with intercourse or even likes to have sex, the Asexual partner just needs to pick up on the other partner's cues that they might want to engage in intimate relations. Otherwise, working out a schedule might help meet the demands of both partners. The Asexual partner should not expect the sexual partner to give up intercourse.
If the couple has an open relationship, and they have talked about the option beforehand, letting the other partner find a boyfriend or a girlfriend to meet their intimate needs is another possible solution. This type of Polyamory leads to its own ethical questions which are better addressed by websites dealing with Polyamory.
(Publisher's Note: A rebuttal to this article can be found here.)
The Asexual partner should not expect the sexual partner to give up intercourse.
The sexual partner should not expect sex on demand from any partners, whether sexual or not. To say otherwise promotes the idea that partners "owe" each other sex, when they don't. I'm a gray ace. I enjoy some forms of sexual activity with others, but not penetrative sex. I don't think it is required of me to disclose, "By the way, I'm not interested in ever having your penis inside me, and don't touch my feet." I don't think the expectation of sex from partners is an assumption that should go unchallenged.
All people should get in the habit of asking partners about sex and being okay with it if the answer is "no."