- Category: A Negative
- Published on Saturday, 26 November 2011 13:33
- Written by T. Henrik Anttonen
- Hits: 1002
A big question for myself has always been; When is it appropriate to come out? I certainly don’t want to impose the fact of my lack of sexual orientation on people, just like I don’t want them to impose their orientation on me. If I never impose, the consequence usually is an unfortunate cascade of misunderstandings and awkward situations when people expect me to react to their relationship woes or sexual conquests a certain way I cannot deliver. And when you really think about it, most people flaunt their sexuality in my face anyway. The society today encourages, if not indeed expects it. And if the society at large is shoving its proverbial dicks and tits in my face, why wouldn’t I be as blunt about my particular orientation in return?
So it’s a continuous balancing act. When is it appropriate to come out and how? Who really needs to know? And once you start telling some people, how can you keep track of who knows and who doesn’t? Because once the cat’s out of the bag, people are going to talk about it and soon enough you can never make conclusive assumptions either way. But then again, does it really matter? It does a lot more to some other people than me. I don’t care either way. If someone should develop a problem about me not sticking my assigned genitalia to any particular orifices, I can’t see myself losing sleep over it.
I didn’t really have a definitive coming out experience, because I’ve always thought of “coming out” as a continuous process. If you want to be out there and make people know just who and what you are, you have to out yourself continuously. That is, unless you’re a major celebrity who has the convenience of making your coming out a grand spectacle after which everybody knows about your particular orientation. For the rest of us, it’s something you just have keep grinding to people over and over again.
My coming out experiences in general have been very bland. I’ve never gotten very memorable responses to coming out. Most of the people I’ve told have simply registered the information and then we have moved the conversation to some other areas of our particular fancy. In a way, it’s a good thing because I’ve never had to face any ignorance, hostility or abuse. But in a way it’s a bit of a shame, because I’ve never encountered the opposite either. And I do have to admit that I do cherish both extremes. I can be inspired by the good nature of people or be tremendously entertained by their ignorance.
I guess I don’t see myself as coming out or staying in. I simply am. If the topic comes up, I’ll tell people simply because I see no reason not to. Of course in my case the situation is complicated slightly by doing a lot of public appearances and media interviews about it. If my face is in the morning paper along with an article about Asexuality, can I seriously claim that I don’t impose my way of being on others?
But I guess that’s what the dilemma of “coming out” really is about. At least, that is what it is for me.